It's a strange time in life. You feel relieved to get it out, yet you feel weird. Like, things are changed, relationships- better or worse, traditions, and walls are put up. All these years of trying to build a relationship, trying to make her accept me, trying to disregard the things she says to me and how she treats us. And then... I finally gave up, I finally stood up for myself and make her feel the way she's made me feel all these years... and she still doesn't get it, so it seems.
The day after is the weirdest. You don't know what to expect or what's going to happen and who all will be affected. All you know is you're scared for what will happen and you think the worst. Will it get better? Will it get worse? Will we ever speak again? We will talk about it?
I am full of questions and confusion right now and I have a headache and my ear feels like it will pop it hurt so bad.
Awesome.
Other than that, I had a wonderful time with my best friends family yesterday and I cannot wait until my best friend comes home from her trip.
I can't wait to move too.
Until next time, love, peace, and chicken grease.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Well, this is embarrassing.
Hahahaha, that is what Firefox said when it couldn't retrieve our last saved tabs, along with an apology. Hahaha;
With that said, I have a story! A "Well, this is embarrassing." story.
So, I had a big basket of laundry that goes up to my hip and 3 big bags of trash to carry down two flights of stairs; Dear Lord: Please help me. I have the two biggest bags of trash, one in each hand, and there really heavy so I'm not trying to think about it and I'm in my own little world and I get halfway down the second flight and I hear "floooosh" or however you spell it. Apparently, the heaviest bag was dragging a bit and I didn't realize. Awesome. And to add on this embarrassment: It was the one with the cat litter and tampons. Awesomeee! -.-
Then the weird guy that lives across the hall with his 2 obnoxious kids come down and look at me awkwardly and the one said, "Hey! My mama has those exact cowboy boots!" Really?! Come the eff on. Of course, I had to run up the stairs twice, to get a broom, dustpan, and another trash bag.
Gah!
But after it all happened, it was funny. Ain't that what makes life good. The funny and embarrassing stuff. It makes my day. :)
Other than that, this week has been pretty mellow. My friend Katie, has me doing workouts from hell, twice a week but I feel great. I went and saw my parents and took them out to dinner to my boyfriend's new job. We had a good time.
Sometimes, I miss home, where I grew up. There's really nothin' like it. I miss goin into the woods and raisin' hell with my little brother and makin' cookies with Mama and the hundreds of humongous bonfires in the backyard with Daddy that she always had a coronary with. It always nice to visit and add another of the many memories of the place that built me.
"I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time;
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself;
You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am"
-Miranda Lambert
With that said, I have a story! A "Well, this is embarrassing." story.
So, I had a big basket of laundry that goes up to my hip and 3 big bags of trash to carry down two flights of stairs; Dear Lord: Please help me. I have the two biggest bags of trash, one in each hand, and there really heavy so I'm not trying to think about it and I'm in my own little world and I get halfway down the second flight and I hear "floooosh" or however you spell it. Apparently, the heaviest bag was dragging a bit and I didn't realize. Awesome. And to add on this embarrassment: It was the one with the cat litter and tampons. Awesomeee! -.-
Then the weird guy that lives across the hall with his 2 obnoxious kids come down and look at me awkwardly and the one said, "Hey! My mama has those exact cowboy boots!" Really?! Come the eff on. Of course, I had to run up the stairs twice, to get a broom, dustpan, and another trash bag.
Gah!
But after it all happened, it was funny. Ain't that what makes life good. The funny and embarrassing stuff. It makes my day. :)
Other than that, this week has been pretty mellow. My friend Katie, has me doing workouts from hell, twice a week but I feel great. I went and saw my parents and took them out to dinner to my boyfriend's new job. We had a good time.
Sometimes, I miss home, where I grew up. There's really nothin' like it. I miss goin into the woods and raisin' hell with my little brother and makin' cookies with Mama and the hundreds of humongous bonfires in the backyard with Daddy that she always had a coronary with. It always nice to visit and add another of the many memories of the place that built me.
"I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time;
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself;
You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am"
-Miranda Lambert
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Two Things..
The plan and respect.
Currently:
- I reside in Fleming Island.
- I'm taking a break from school.
- My job rocks my socks.
- My boyfriend= <3333333333333
- I miss my bestie. :(
- My family is healthy.
The Plan?
Get the hell out of here. Ugh. I'm ready to leave. Where to go? Tennesseeeeee! I want to soooo bad. I love it there. ;) Umm, I already have an AA, now I wanna BA in a completely different subject.. Psychology! January 2011! I wanna job just as good as the one I have now. ;) Twenty years from now.. I see me with him<3 Jesse comes home JULY 19TH!!!!!!!!! Ohmygoddddd!!! Uhh, walmart, St. Aug, beach, sleepover parties, shopping, playing, snowcones, disney movies and soooo much more. I miss her. I gotta keep the family healthy. Easy enough.
The Point (to this)?
Everyone has a plan.. everyone sees a future in their mind.. they may not admit it, which I think is stupid, but they do.
Plus, it makes me feel better to get things in writing...err, typing. Lol.
Respect?
A good friend of mine said something that stuck out to me and I feel the need to share it.
When you have a friend, best friend, significant other, ect; You have to respect their wishes and lifestyle when you can't change it.
Example: Me and my boyfriend.. We are sooooooooooo different. We don't like 95% of the things each other likes, does, has, eats.. How the hell we have managed to get this far (14 months) into this relationship.. I.have.no.clue.
Maybe because we respect each other more than we think we do. It's a big thing in a relationship; especially as serious as ours.
I do love him, a whole bunchh<333333
Another example: No one can help who their family is or what friends they can befriend the easiest. So, when one of your friends doesn't approve another of your friends, or a significant other doesn't like a friend of parent or vise-versa.. deal with it! There's not a damn thing you can do. Respect their decision. If you happen to have to be in the same room as the person you don't like- be decent and say hello. You don't have to be their best friend or take them out to lunch, just be niiice. It's not that hard. I mean, we're grown-ups, right?!
So that takes care of the things on my mind today.
Love, peace, and chicken grease(:
Currently:
- I reside in Fleming Island.
- I'm taking a break from school.
- My job rocks my socks.
- My boyfriend= <3333333333333
- I miss my bestie. :(
- My family is healthy.
The Plan?
Get the hell out of here. Ugh. I'm ready to leave. Where to go? Tennesseeeeee! I want to soooo bad. I love it there. ;) Umm, I already have an AA, now I wanna BA in a completely different subject.. Psychology! January 2011! I wanna job just as good as the one I have now. ;) Twenty years from now.. I see me with him<3 Jesse comes home JULY 19TH!!!!!!!!! Ohmygoddddd!!! Uhh, walmart, St. Aug, beach, sleepover parties, shopping, playing, snowcones, disney movies and soooo much more. I miss her. I gotta keep the family healthy. Easy enough.
The Point (to this)?
Everyone has a plan.. everyone sees a future in their mind.. they may not admit it, which I think is stupid, but they do.
Plus, it makes me feel better to get things in writing...err, typing. Lol.
Respect?
A good friend of mine said something that stuck out to me and I feel the need to share it.
When you have a friend, best friend, significant other, ect; You have to respect their wishes and lifestyle when you can't change it.
Example: Me and my boyfriend.. We are sooooooooooo different. We don't like 95% of the things each other likes, does, has, eats.. How the hell we have managed to get this far (14 months) into this relationship.. I.have.no.clue.
Maybe because we respect each other more than we think we do. It's a big thing in a relationship; especially as serious as ours.
I do love him, a whole bunchh<333333
Another example: No one can help who their family is or what friends they can befriend the easiest. So, when one of your friends doesn't approve another of your friends, or a significant other doesn't like a friend of parent or vise-versa.. deal with it! There's not a damn thing you can do. Respect their decision. If you happen to have to be in the same room as the person you don't like- be decent and say hello. You don't have to be their best friend or take them out to lunch, just be niiice. It's not that hard. I mean, we're grown-ups, right?!
So that takes care of the things on my mind today.
Love, peace, and chicken grease(:
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Weirddd!?!
So, there's me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend has a friend who works at a seafood restaurant 5 minutes down the road from where I grew up. Then, there's another girl that I have known since I was like 10. And thennn there's a girl who used to be my best friend but ain't anymore.
So, I was childhood friends with my childhood friend and we lost contact throughout high school; Four years later, I made a best friend who is now an EX-best friend; A year after that, I have the most AMAZZZING boyfriend ever; I meet his friend that works at the seafood place and my boyfriend gets a job there.
The weird thing: People that I never thought would see again, my childhood friend and ex-best, let alone work at the same place, which is where I grew up, are back in my life, at the place my boyfriend and his friend, the newest people to this equation, work.
It's a small, small, small world.
Whew.
Until next time,
love, peace, and chicken grease<3
Ohhh, wait!
My cowgirl boot obsessed self found the next pair I'm gonna own. (:
So, I was childhood friends with my childhood friend and we lost contact throughout high school; Four years later, I made a best friend who is now an EX-best friend; A year after that, I have the most AMAZZZING boyfriend ever; I meet his friend that works at the seafood place and my boyfriend gets a job there.
The weird thing: People that I never thought would see again, my childhood friend and ex-best, let alone work at the same place, which is where I grew up, are back in my life, at the place my boyfriend and his friend, the newest people to this equation, work.
It's a small, small, small world.
Whew.
Until next time,
love, peace, and chicken grease<3
Ohhh, wait!
My cowgirl boot obsessed self found the next pair I'm gonna own. (:
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Has anyone seen my Jags cup? An American honey cannot seem to find it.
Seriously, it's my favorite cup and I have the smallest apartment ever and I can't find the damn thing. Gah!
I have decided to make this blog about the past 21 and a half years of my life, just so everyone is up to speed on what makes me, me. The most recent stuff will be more vivid because it's still fresh in my head and as it gets earlier and earlier there will be less details. :)
Why American Honey? Honey is good and pours out slow and is so sweet and is also a classic name for a girl/lady/woman. And I'm an American.. hence the title American Honey.. I like it, it suits me, I think. Plus, the song by Lady Antebellum- is AWESOME and I can totally relate:
"She grew up on a side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey
Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Trying to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yea
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somehow
To American honey
Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothin's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
And American honey"
I love it<3
I grew up in the sticks, Orangedale.. lived at Trout Creek all my life and loved every minute of it, whether it was make mud pies with my barbie dolls or playin in the woods with my little brother. Started at a grade school that was 5 minutes away and then a middle school that was 20 minutes away- had to go to another little townette for it, Fruit Cove, the most horrid, idiotic, stuck-up place ever. Yet I am still dragged there from time to time due to my best friend, Jesse, we'll talk about her later. Anyways, elementary school and middle school... I did the norm- went to dances, "forgot" homework assignments, was a pain in the ass to the folks, ya know how it goes. My mindset? I had to be just like everyone else, I had to think like them, talk like them, do exactly what they wanted.. of course I didn't and I had the hardest time ever making friends. I had one true friend that I have known since we were five and she lived right over the bridge from me and we still to do this day keep in touch. Thennn, high school. High school, high school, high school. Kill me now. All that immaturity continued until about the summer after 10th grade when me and my childhood friend, Lindsay, became extremely close.. I just didn't give a damn anymore. That's when I realized that people don't really like you when you're like everyone else and I just stopped caring what people thought. I did what I want, when I wanted to and if that was weird to you then that really sucks on your part. Junior and Senior year I was counting down the days until graduation but while I was there, I did attempt to make the best of it, unless what I thought was utter stupidity. I was very naive in high school and into college. I grew up very sheltered, like in a box almost. I had my first drinking experience in Paris, France in the 10th grade and it was only a pina colada which I am convinced only had a teaspoon of alcohol in it but whatever. The next one was junior year with Lindsay and it was a 6-pack of smirnoff. I was never just handed anything, I had to work for whatever I wanted. I wanted a car when I got my license, my ass got up and got a job to make the payments on it. I've been working full-time since I was 17.. now I go crazy having 4 days off.
Graduation day. What a wonderful day. I decided things would be different, I would expose myself to things and ask questions. Don't get it mixed up.. I never did drugs (never in my life) or became a whore or nothin stupid but I do specifically remember getting drunk every weekend (after my homework was done of course, this is on into my Freshman year of college) and I won't even lie that entire year was one of the best I had in my life. My Sophomore year of college, I fell in love for the first time.. stupid girl. That turned out to be a bust.. I found out the hard way that boys are L.I.A.R.S. His name was Alex and I still to this day can't blame him; I was a stupid girl who didn't see the signs and he was a stupid boy. So with my broken heart and punctured pride, I almost failed my sophomore year; I had to retake a bunch of classes so I wouldn't have D's on my record and then I changed my major which made getting an AA degree in something a year and a half longer. uring this time.. I had funnn. I don't mean just alcohol, I mean anything.. I tried things, camping, four-wheeling, shooting guns, makin bonfires.. fun, fun, fun. Of course, I was still under parents roof with a curfew which I was not okay with but it's over now so who gives a damn. I made some good true friends that I still keep in touch with but it's hard growing up because everyone goes there separate ways and does there own thing. I made 2 best, best friends during this couple of years.. Jesse Coates, who is still my bestie and I misssss her. She is in Brazil for a year on an exchange program and I don't like it! At the same time, I'm happy for her and I know she is having the time of her life. We're the kinda friends that text each other and say, "Come play with me" or go into Wal-mart and make it impossible to come out with only what we went in there for in the first place. I loveee youuu, Pookie and I can't wait until July 19th! Woo! The other is Pam, who's not my best friend anymore. we'll just say, she messed up and it concerns Alex. I won't dwell on it because truth be told- it don't matter anymore. I have moved on.
Now? I'm in love. I live on my own. I wanna live in Chattanooga, TN. I have the best kitty ever I have finally figured who I am and what I want. :)
Steven Richard Vanderbeek is his name. WE live in Fleming Island, which is just over the river and through the woods from Orangedale. Tennessee will happen soon enough. Cooper is my kitty and he's cute when he has to look up at the fish tank because he wants to eat them. I am a southern girl and I have the biggest heart you ever saw. I love keeping in touch with old friends, shopping, and I want a FORD F-150 and a four wheeler more than anything.
It's 6 am and I need to sleep.
Love, peace and chicken grease.
<3
I have decided to make this blog about the past 21 and a half years of my life, just so everyone is up to speed on what makes me, me. The most recent stuff will be more vivid because it's still fresh in my head and as it gets earlier and earlier there will be less details. :)
Why American Honey? Honey is good and pours out slow and is so sweet and is also a classic name for a girl/lady/woman. And I'm an American.. hence the title American Honey.. I like it, it suits me, I think. Plus, the song by Lady Antebellum- is AWESOME and I can totally relate:
"She grew up on a side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey
Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Trying to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yea
There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somehow
To American honey
Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothin's sweeter than summer time
And American honey
And American honey"
I love it<3
I grew up in the sticks, Orangedale.. lived at Trout Creek all my life and loved every minute of it, whether it was make mud pies with my barbie dolls or playin in the woods with my little brother. Started at a grade school that was 5 minutes away and then a middle school that was 20 minutes away- had to go to another little townette for it, Fruit Cove, the most horrid, idiotic, stuck-up place ever. Yet I am still dragged there from time to time due to my best friend, Jesse, we'll talk about her later. Anyways, elementary school and middle school... I did the norm- went to dances, "forgot" homework assignments, was a pain in the ass to the folks, ya know how it goes. My mindset? I had to be just like everyone else, I had to think like them, talk like them, do exactly what they wanted.. of course I didn't and I had the hardest time ever making friends. I had one true friend that I have known since we were five and she lived right over the bridge from me and we still to do this day keep in touch. Thennn, high school. High school, high school, high school. Kill me now. All that immaturity continued until about the summer after 10th grade when me and my childhood friend, Lindsay, became extremely close.. I just didn't give a damn anymore. That's when I realized that people don't really like you when you're like everyone else and I just stopped caring what people thought. I did what I want, when I wanted to and if that was weird to you then that really sucks on your part. Junior and Senior year I was counting down the days until graduation but while I was there, I did attempt to make the best of it, unless what I thought was utter stupidity. I was very naive in high school and into college. I grew up very sheltered, like in a box almost. I had my first drinking experience in Paris, France in the 10th grade and it was only a pina colada which I am convinced only had a teaspoon of alcohol in it but whatever. The next one was junior year with Lindsay and it was a 6-pack of smirnoff. I was never just handed anything, I had to work for whatever I wanted. I wanted a car when I got my license, my ass got up and got a job to make the payments on it. I've been working full-time since I was 17.. now I go crazy having 4 days off.
Graduation day. What a wonderful day. I decided things would be different, I would expose myself to things and ask questions. Don't get it mixed up.. I never did drugs (never in my life) or became a whore or nothin stupid but I do specifically remember getting drunk every weekend (after my homework was done of course, this is on into my Freshman year of college) and I won't even lie that entire year was one of the best I had in my life. My Sophomore year of college, I fell in love for the first time.. stupid girl. That turned out to be a bust.. I found out the hard way that boys are L.I.A.R.S. His name was Alex and I still to this day can't blame him; I was a stupid girl who didn't see the signs and he was a stupid boy. So with my broken heart and punctured pride, I almost failed my sophomore year; I had to retake a bunch of classes so I wouldn't have D's on my record and then I changed my major which made getting an AA degree in something a year and a half longer. uring this time.. I had funnn. I don't mean just alcohol, I mean anything.. I tried things, camping, four-wheeling, shooting guns, makin bonfires.. fun, fun, fun. Of course, I was still under parents roof with a curfew which I was not okay with but it's over now so who gives a damn. I made some good true friends that I still keep in touch with but it's hard growing up because everyone goes there separate ways and does there own thing. I made 2 best, best friends during this couple of years.. Jesse Coates, who is still my bestie and I misssss her. She is in Brazil for a year on an exchange program and I don't like it! At the same time, I'm happy for her and I know she is having the time of her life. We're the kinda friends that text each other and say, "Come play with me" or go into Wal-mart and make it impossible to come out with only what we went in there for in the first place. I loveee youuu, Pookie and I can't wait until July 19th! Woo! The other is Pam, who's not my best friend anymore. we'll just say, she messed up and it concerns Alex. I won't dwell on it because truth be told- it don't matter anymore. I have moved on.
Now? I'm in love. I live on my own. I wanna live in Chattanooga, TN. I have the best kitty ever I have finally figured who I am and what I want. :)
Steven Richard Vanderbeek is his name. WE live in Fleming Island, which is just over the river and through the woods from Orangedale. Tennessee will happen soon enough. Cooper is my kitty and he's cute when he has to look up at the fish tank because he wants to eat them. I am a southern girl and I have the biggest heart you ever saw. I love keeping in touch with old friends, shopping, and I want a FORD F-150 and a four wheeler more than anything.
It's 6 am and I need to sleep.
Love, peace and chicken grease.
<3
Sunday, March 14, 2010
How does it workkk!?!
I've always liked to write. Of course, my grammer? Sucks. My vocabulary? Sucks. My organization? Sucksss. But I like to put what's going on, on paper. But trying to figure out blogspot is a royal pain in the ass. I'm assuming other people read them because there's a place for comments.. And there's something called "followers"? Not sure about all that noise but I',m sure I will find out soon enough.
So, for all you people who come across my blog, here's a little of me:
College student. Working girl. Taken. Country music listener. Soon to be truck owner, FORD. Apartment renting. Own my car. Own an AA degree. Kid lover. Cowgirl boot obsessed. Sweet tea drinker. Lover not a hater. That's just start. Y'all can learn more about me in the upcoming blogs. Woo!
I like this already. Nighty night.
Love, peace, and chicken grease.<3
So, for all you people who come across my blog, here's a little of me:
College student. Working girl. Taken. Country music listener. Soon to be truck owner, FORD. Apartment renting. Own my car. Own an AA degree. Kid lover. Cowgirl boot obsessed. Sweet tea drinker. Lover not a hater. That's just start. Y'all can learn more about me in the upcoming blogs. Woo!
I like this already. Nighty night.
Love, peace, and chicken grease.<3
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